Reality Check

Lying in bed feeling completely drained and exhausted from my first full day in the hospital: up at 5am, hospital until 3:30pm, class 3:30-7:30pm, meeting with an old friend for dinner, study until 11pm for tomorrow’s quiz. And I feel “exhausted.”

...what a “first world problem.” Oh how I loathe myself when I get on a self-pity rant… lying in bed after wallowing in self pity, and (thankfully) God starts to bring me back to reality.

Let's see... No, I didn’t walk 3 miles to get water for my family. No, I didn’t have to work the fields to grow my food. No, I didn’t have to skip breakfast and lunch because not enough food available. No, I don’t sleep in a mud hut outside on the ground. No, I am not suffering from all sorts of respiratory problems from cooking in a mud hut. No, I don’t have any chronic illness. No, I don’t feel alone in the world without a family. No, my parents have not abandoned me or died. No, I don’t know what it’s like to not have a solid support system of friends and family. No, I don’t fear that people could come attack me at any minute in the night. But yet somehow my flesh still finds a reason to complain or to soak my mind in self-pity. HOW DISGUSTING!!

Oh I am so thankful when God smacks me out of my fleshly thinking, out of my self pity.

I am still (will always be) learning so much about how to give back to God what He has entrusted to me: to much is given much is expected in return (Luke 12:48). 

I'm learning what it means to be genuine in my praise and thankfulness towards the blessings and trials He gives me to grow and strengthen me. 

I am THANKFUL for the blessings in this season of life. I really am. God’s teaching me how to be more and more thankful each day. I’m thankful for the tears of when I’m overwhelmed by His blessings.

Tears when I visit my aunt and she gives me a big bag of home baked goods and delicious snacks for the ride home.

Tears when I realize that the hospital where I’m doing clinical has a different disposable blood pressure cuff for EACH patient. (Not sure if these are tears of thankfulness of our ability to prevent disease or tears of sadness of how much our country consumes energy and resources.)

Tears when I’m lying in bed complaining in my head about how I’m having such trouble falling asleep in my air-conditioned room, safe house and comfortable bed. Oh how blessed I am with such comfortable living conditions. But God is reminding me that only He gives rest!

Tears after I call my mom or dad, and I’m overwhelmed by their love for me.

Tears when I feel like I can't study any more, but I know He gives me the brain capacity and knowledge to learn what I need to become a good nurse.

Thank you Lord that you keep my heart tender. Thank you that every week, often many times in a week, you remind me of the great blessings you’ve given me for this season.

May I always remember that the Lord gives and takes away (Job 1:21). May I always become disgusted with myself when I complain about losing sleep because of studying. Oh what a BLESSING it is to be in nursing school!! May I always weep of thankfulness and joy when I see more and more glimpses of the Lord’s goodness and love! Oh I pray that I will praise Him even if He takes away all of these blessings He has given for this season of life!

“Preserve me, O God, for in you I take refuge.

I say to the Lord, ‘You are my Lord;

there is no good apart from you.’

…The Lord is my chosen portion and my cup;

you hold my lot.

The lines have fallen for me in pleasant places;

Indeed, I have a beautiful inheritance.

I bless the Lord who gives me counsel;

In the night also my heart instructs me.

I have set the Lord always before me;

Because he is at my right hand, I shall not be shaken.

Therefore my heart is glad, and my whole being rejoices,

My flesh also dwells secure.

For you will not abandon my soul to Sheol, or let your holy one see corruption.

You make known to me the path of life,

In your presence there is fullness of joy; at your right hand are pleasures forevermore”

Psalm 16:1-2,5-11